First/Fourth Drafts

Recently (within the last two weeks), I finished the draft of my thesis novel.  It’s not entirely appropriate to call it a first draft, but it is in a way.  See, it’s the first full, completed draft, but in reality, the first half of it is more like a third-ish draft, and the second half of it is a first draft.  I have to revise it.  I have to get it to my second and third readers.

I can’t believe graduation is so close.

I can’t believe that I don’t have any clue what I’m doing next year.

I can’t believe how well ballet is going.  Oh, I might have forgotten to mention that I started dancing again this past September (I’d danced for many years, but had to stop when I injured my knee–it never healed due to the autoimmune disease, but now that that’s getting under control, it’s been great).  I’m doing pointe, which I was told would never EVER be possible in a million years (haha! Take that!)

I keep worrying about what’s to come, because I’d love to just write all day and night and be really artistically and creatively fulfilled, but I also know that I’d like to eat, so I have to figure out what that balance is going to be.  Life is everything and nothing like I thought it would be right now, but sometimes, I find these moments of peace, and I wonder what all the worry and stress and craziness is for, and then I have to go back into the craziness, but the moments make me feel like I’m right where I should be, and that everything will end up the way it’s supposed to end up.  And I try to remember that when I feel like the world is wrapping a noose around my neck and I can’t breathe.  I finished a draft.  The novel didn’t spiral out of (my) control and turn into a never-ending epic saga.  It’s done.  I feel great and strange and light.  I’m trying not to look for the falling anvil.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let some stuff go.  Maybe TTOT will be done this year.  Maybe it will never be done.  I want it to be done, but maybe that’s just not in the cards.  Maybe I should focus on the picture book drafts I haven’t been doing and the novel that I can’t finish because I don’t have a master copy, and the memoir, and whatever writing project comes next.  And READING!  I can’t wait to start reading and doing book reviews again! <–I think I’ve reviewed exactly one book on here; this will change this summer after graduation.  Promise!

Sometimes, I feel like my life is a fourth draft.  Maybe that’s a great place to be.

“This is my current single status, my Declaration of Independence, I’m singleeeee…”

After what felt like years, and was really just short of one year, I wrote a little bit of TTOT.  Twas about 4 pages, and never before have 4 pages felt so lovely.

After a month of not being able to write, I finally broke through that (thank you, heartbreak), but the result of this whole turn of events is that I’ve lost almost 2 months of writing time. And my thesis is due in January.

Shit.

Commence panic.

“The alarm still rings at 5:15, the day goes off like a rifle, Mrs. Jones next door is still extreme, goes on and on about the Bible…” ~SHeDAISY

Life goes on.

Life goes on whether I write or not.

Elliott and the TTOT gang haven’t spoken to me in months.

I still don’t have a master copy of Desert Blues, but Layth and Hadar do still speak to me from time to time.

My Thesis is going well. I had my first official meeting with my thesis advisor yesterday, and she congratulated me and expressed something just short of joy with how much I’d produced since our last meeting. I have direction for what to do in the next month. This is good.

What’s not good is that this baby is due in January, and I won’t have time to write hardcore until February. This can be overcome, of course, but basically, I’ve not been much fun of late.

And next semester, it will have been 4 years since I started writing TTOT. These were my best four years, for sure, and I have no regrets about beginning to write seriously. But recently, I discovered that Harper Voyager is accepting unsolicited MS submissions. On complete SciFi and Fantasy manuscripts. For publication. And El or someone won’t let me finish the book. And I want to finish this book, because the world needs it. One day, right?

Bookstores are my Friends

This past Sunday, Neil and I drove out to Southampton for a poetry thing that my program was doing at the Parrish Art Museum.  It was pretty awesome.  Then, we decided to drive out to Sag Harbor and walk around.  We went to Canio’s (love), and lo and behold, when I was creeping in the kid’s section, I found a copy of PROMISE: An Anthology of Young Writers AKA the 2011 Rena’s Promise International Creative Writing Camp Collection.  It was in the store.  For sale.  The book that has 2 pages of my novel (TTOT).

It was pretty epic for me.

Writing, and Other Things

I realized recently that I have 8 books in some stage of the writing process, plus other ideas that I’ve been percolating and sitting on.  This is more than a little kind of crazy.

School is going.  We’re more than halfway through the semester, and we’re coming up fast on spring break.  I have a lot that needs to get done.  I also need to get my shit together and apply for the summer conferences, and take out some loans or something.  I’m not crazy about increasing my student loans, but it might be the only option for now.  I can deal with the repayment when I get out and join the Peace Corp or sell my novel or something.

I made a Cursillo this past weekend!  That was pretty fantastic.  And I had a lot of people that I know and love on the Team for the weekend, which made it so much better and so much more special.

All in all, life is good.  I’m learning not to think too far ahead (see the gushy tweets on my Twitter feed to the right of this post to see the over-all success of these attempts…).  I’m getting workshopped on Tuesday, and I’m not concerned about if they hate it or anything.  I’m at peace with life and this whole crazy process and the journey I’m on.  I like it.

Stuff

My car was in the shop today.  I was expecting an expensive bill.  My bill was twice as much as I’d expected.  Ouch.

Also, I’m filling out a summer conference application.  I need a rec letter for scholarshipping.  Oy.

Life.  I am broke and I owe my mother money from my trip to Africa.  I’m feeling sort of helpless today.

This too shall pass.

Sleep

I got some extra sleep yesterday and today.  And as lovely as that’s been, and as much as I want to crawl back into bed and be dead to the world for a little longer, I know that I can’t.  I have bigger and better things to do than continue to catch up on my missed Zz’s.  I have to honor past commitments, do reading and writing and homework.  Email a professor about a rewrite I’m going to have to write for next class without having had the benefit of being workshopped…  Apply for the summer conferences.  Big things, people, big things.

Speaking of big things… Guess who was asked last night to be the guest speaker at a major event at her church!  BIG THINGS, PEOPLE, BIG THINGS. 🙂

Back in the saddle, back in the swing of things…

Tomorrow, I have my first class meeting for Memoir.  It meets every other Saturday for the semester.  I can handle that.  In the meanwhile, I’ve gotten decent starts on my assignments for my other two classes.  We’re going to be starting up week 3 of the semester, and I’m feeling pretty confident.

For KidLit, we have to have a rough draft of the text for a picture book.  I’m in the sweet spot for word count, and I think it’s pretty good…  Quirky character, big problems (allergies and bullying kids with allergies for being different), a good plot twist, potential for adorable illustrations…

For Humor, we have to write about an aha moment.  Last semester, I wrote about my grandmother for an assignment not too dissimilar to this one.  I started writing it in class.  About weddings and babies and why arguing with my grandmother when she brings up marriage is getting harder and harder.

Yeah, I’m feeling pretty good.

Also, I finished Kayak Morning.  I’d been reading it slowly and enjoying letting it drag out.  I don’t quite remember when I finished it, but it was definitely within this last week.  So good.  Now, work, then reading DMG’s YA Nov which I started before Africa and have to finish, then writing.  Writing, editing novels, fanfic-ing-say-what?!  Oh yeah, this is gonna be good 😀

It’s the second Monday of the Semester…

It’s also the anniversary of my father’s death…  Admittedly, not a good day for me.

I have an assignment due via email today.  I have to be funny.  I’m not feeling too funny. (wonder why)

But, it should be a good week…  KidLit class on Tuesday, first class with Jules on Wednesday (he cancelled the first class), then a program mixer Wednesday night and my first class of the semester with Roger (a late add… He’s gonna kill me! He was supposed to get a break…)

The rhythm of this semester has been easier…  I feel like I’m already into a really good rhythm…  I think I’ve got the schedule down.  Strange.  Interesting.

Now, if only I could get some novel progress happening…

Life and Times

In honor of buying journals 4 & 5 for TTOT, I thought I’d revisit some old times (and pictures of the OG TTOT writing kit)

TTOT started with the blue-capped pen and the black skull journal.  It evolved into black, pink and blue text, and grew into the pink skull journal.

Then, it expanded into a multicolored peace journal, still written in black, pink and blue.

Alas, after quite some time, I’m approaching the end of the peace signs, so I bought new journals yesterday.  I bought two for a few reasons: 1. They were a matching set. 2. I’m going to Africa, and it’s better to have too many journals than not nearly enough (I’m hoping to hemorrhage material in Africa–we’ll see how that goes.) 3. I believe in Murphy’s Law, and I’m sort of hoping (and very much not) that being overly prepared will lead to a faster resolution of this novel, because I think that the world REALLY needs this story.  And when this story leaves me to go into the world on its own, I will be absolutely devastated, alone and completely inconsolable for a period of time no less than one month and probably much longer.  But though it will be difficult, it will still be a happy time, because I was given this amazing book that I have faith will make an impact on the world.

This was Wednesday night’s source of amusement.  I pulled up TTOT on a school computer to try to do some writing while I waited for a friend of mine and got THE BEST error message I never knew existed. (Bonus novel pages sneak peek!)

And, because I can, journals 4 & 5.

#5 arrived a whopping week after #4 and the beginning of this post’s journey to being published, so without further adieu: